We co-sleep and DS has fed to sleep every night, and several times during the night until now, so teaching him to sleep in other ways has been our main challenge. We are really making progress now. DS gets his milk to go to sleep in the evening, but we don't do milk in the middle of the night any more. I choose when is it nearly morning and he is allowed some again. When he wakes, I tell stories, or do the "in the night garden" thing, sometimes continuing to make up a whole in the night garden episode (generally not the most challenging of plots).
To start with, things were tough, and I was happy to give in at 3 or 4 in the morning, but then one day I woke at 5 and realized he had gone without milk until then. After just a few weeks we are down to nursing at bed time and in the early morning, and sometimes to help him get off for a nap. Slowly he is asking for milk less often in the night, and sometimes when I do let him nurse he will let go when I ask him too -- handy seeing as he has developed a vice-like grip. I find his generosity humbling. I tell him that I am tired and sore and he takes this on and (sometimes) he can accommodate my needs. Sometimes I let him nurse at "disallowed" times, usually when I am very tired, and he is very needy. I really dislike the advice that you hear from everywhere about consistency with these issues. Yes, you need to keep working towards your goal, but surely there can still room for give and take?
I also went some way down the night weaning road at 18 months, and at this point I found he responded best to songs and physical stimulation: back rubs, leg massage (no oil, but otherwise as taught in baby massage class), and an action song that we learnt when he was little about how a leopard has spots and a tiger has stripes. I think we could have successfully night weaned at this stage, but I decided that the old way was so much easier all around and let it drop. This time is different though: although it has not been easy for any of us, weaning feels natural. Nursing hurts, I feel tired and delicate and I don't want to be touched. Supporting him though his disappointment and providing comfort in our ways seems the more attractive option. In July I watched two great big lamb twins nursing, their tails were wagging with excitement as they drank, just like the day they were born -- but mum soon shook them off. I bet she felt just like I do now.
I love the idea of letting the child decide when to stop bfing, but I feel that for my ds this would not be for many years, and I am not happy with that thought. Even though he is still so attached to nursing, I am no longer convinced that he *needs* it. He needs comfort, he needs security, he needs to feel loved, but I hope that we are gradually learning other ways to fulfill his needs. When I started I was unsure whether I would be successful, or whether ds's need to nurse would be stronger than my need not to feed him. It is only now that I have gone down this road and seen him cry for milk but then, reluctantly, but calmly, accept alternatives that I feel optimistic.
Now we are reaping the rewards. Last week I went out, and for the first time in over 2 yrs dh was able to resettle ds when he woke. This Saturday was my brother-in-laws' wedding. I though I might have to leave early to put ds to bed, but my mum took him to a quiet corner and cuddled and told stories, and lay on the floor with him until he fell asleep. Now he is talking about going to stay the night with granny and grandad! These things make me very proud.
