What it's all about
I was lucky enough to read Ingrid's book before C was born. The book makes three claims, simple, but, in our nappy obsessed world, amazing:
- A baby has awareness of its ellimination from birth and an instinct to keep "the nest", i.e. his bed or mum clean.
- You can tell when your baby needs eliminate just as you can tell when he needs to nurse: by reading his signs and by waching the clock.
- By holding your baby away from you and using a verbal cue, you can give your baby the opportunity to eliminate somewhere more convenient than his bed, or your lap.
Early days
When I read the book I found it hard to believe that this could work for me. It all sounds so difficult, so alien. On the other hand, I was fascinated, and I knew that I would give it a try. During the very first week of C's life I observed a lot of peeing, and following Ingird's advice, when I noticed him "go" I would make a Psssss noise for the duration. The thing that struck me hard was that when we removed C 's nappy to change it , he would almost always pee. I was suddenly motivated: it was true, even tiny babies have an instinct for where and when to eliminate! C was only a few days old when I first held him over the sink, one hand under each thigh and his tiny wobbly body resting against my torso and shyly hissed in his ear. I waited a good 30 seconds -- but nothing! I can't remember whether it was the second, third or forth time when I was rewarded with a little fountain. I was amazed, delighted, excited and truely in awe of nature's subtlety. I was also hooked. I was glad that we had been handed down some cloth nappies, since these are almost universally reccomended to ECers. Unlike a disposable nappy, cloth is tangibly damp after even one pee, which allows the baby to feel what he has done, and the parent to learn how often and when the baby tends to pee.
Getting With It
After a while, I started by taking C to pee whenever we changed the nappy, which was pretty often because we didn't want him to start to think that sitting in a wet nappy is the norm. In the early days we mostly used the bath as this is big enough that you don't need to take aim, later we used the sink, the toilet, and numerous bushes in the garden. It wasn't long before it was clear that C understood our prompting, and I started to get more adventurous: removing the nappy dry to pee C if I thought he might need to go, regularly leaving C nappy free for a good kick relatively safe in the knowledge that he had just gone, and almost always peeing him on waking from a nap, a sure fire time to catch.
Venturing Out
In think that the first time he peed in a public place was at about 3 months. We were on holiday and I was changing him on the back seat of my sisters car, when I noticed he was taking aim. Yes, if you don't have a baby boy you might not know, but very young baby boys do aim before they fire! Anyway, I held him so that he could pee out of the door and he obliged, a trick that we have preformed many times since. Since then I have peed him quite often in public toilets (often public change rooms also have a toilet), but I had been quite furtive, I still wasn't confident enough to go public. That said, we are fortunate to have a handy bush outside both the front and the back doors, so I have no idea whether our neighbours overhear me open the door and deliberately say "peepee C? Pss !......Pssssssssssss" or what they might think if they did.
A Typical Setback
At 3 and a half months, we had a potty strike! C consistently refused to pee on cue, even when you knew that he was ready, only to pee the minute you gave up and put him down. Very frustrating! At this point I thought that all our hard work had been in vain. I must thank this forum, where I found that a temporary potty strike is very common indeed. One poster suggested that it may signal that C is starting to gain conscious control of the process, which I think is possible. It looked like C couldn't release while he was thinking about it. A couple of weeks later the problem resolved and since that date C will usually go almost immediately when cued, unless he doesn't need to at all.
Going Public
At four months I was walking with a group of mums and babies, I discretely peed C out of the car door on arrival to maximize the time he was dry on the walk. The pace was slow and I was feeling playful and confident, so when I felt it might be time I dropped back and offered an opportunity. I was thrilled when I met with success, so as we sat eating our picnic a little later I didn't think twice about taking C to the nearest bush. I guess I should have thought about how I would explain our trick beforehand, but luckily the lady to ask made my life a whole lot easier. Did C just pee for you? How do you do that? Is that like puppy whispering? Well I guess I was nearly as stunned as she was. I had no idea that a similar approach can work on dogs! I'm so happy that my friends were so open minded and didn't make me feel stupid. A few days later I was at my parents. C woke from a nap and I knew he would be ready to go so I announced that I would change his nappy, whereupon my dad picked him up had a brief chat and then took him to the change table himself. I followed, and when the nappy was removed I knew something was going to get wet if I didn't act so I simply said, "you are going to do a peepee aren't you C, come with mummy" and to my dad's amazement he peed neatly into their toilet. My dad excitedly announced this to my mum who said it "makes a lot of sense". Complete acceptance! Yesterday, I left C with my parents for a few hours and when I got back my dad told me "I held him over the toilet, but he just looked at me like I was crazy". Very sweet! I must teach him our positions and cues. My parents in law have been equally accepting, but have yet to see potty whispering in action.
Going Potty
At about 4 months I bought a Baby Bjorn Little Potty, having heard that they are better suited to small babies than some. We use it with my arms under C's legs, so the hold is similar to the one I use elsewhere, just more upright. Sometimes, when at home, I put little pants on him instead of a nappy, just for a few hours. I definately don't have the energy to potty whisper full time. Suprisingly age 2-3 year pants fit a large 4 monther loosely but well enough. He is so much freer to kick and roll without the bulky nappy.
What About The Number Two?
Some say that poos are easier to catch that pee, because there are clear signs when their baby is trying to have a bowel movement, but C seems to be a stealth pooer. They just appear unannounced, or maybe I am not so well attuned to C as some mums are to their babies. Either way, I have not been very good at anticipating poos, but because I offer pee-opportunies often, the poo often appears at the same time. Imagine my supprise when waiting for the in-laws to arrive I take C for a pee in the bush outside the front door, only to hear a big splat! All over the walkway in front of the door! Luckilly I got it cleared up before they arrived. Catching poo is great because there is very little mess left on the baby. For those who don't know, breast-fed babies produce yellow liquid poo which if contained by a nappy generally gets plastered all over baby's bottom and sometimes, especially with disposables, leaks all up baby's back too.
To pee or not to pee?
For us, potty whispering has not saved many nappies: we catch a lot of pee, but we also change very often. However, it has meant that C is dry for a good proportion of the time, and more importantly, we have not trained C to use his clothing as a toilet, which is in effect what you are doing with conventional nappy use. Sometimes it is hard work, but it is also lots of fun and provides entertainment for mum and baby. Hopefully it will make the transition to independant pottying a little less awkward for C.
For more information on potty whispering take a look at http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/ or http://www.tribalbaby.org/ and the disscussion forum at www.mothering.com. There are plenty of other sites out there too. Try searching for Elimination Communication!
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